2025 Quick Daily Posts

[fccs]

I’ve had other friends who have gone through similar so I (kind of) understand the challenges you and Tracy are facing. I love the idea of encouraging her to smile at the lady in the wardrobe and I hope eventually she will. She’s truly lucky to have you and the care you’re providing. I’m sure having her in assisted living would be more comforting, knowing she’s care for 24x7, but until then you’re doing all you can and then some.

[Mabel Figworthy]

There will unfortunately be times when there is indeed nothing you can do. It's discouraging and depressing and frustrating, especially when you know exactly what you would like to be able to do, and what (official) others should be able to do - but we can at least offer a listening ear and a receptacle for let-off steam.

[richardandtracy]

What can I say apart from 'Thank You'?
I really don't want to lead to 'A problem shared is a problem doubled' territory. Please please say if it's too much.

Regards,

Richard.

[fccs]

What can I say apart from 'Thank You'?
I really don't want to lead to 'A problem shared is a problem doubled' territory. Please please say if it's too much.

Regards,

Richard.

It's never too much between friends.

[Mabel Figworthy]

Hear hear!

[Serinde]

What can I say apart from 'Thank You'?
I really don't want to lead to 'A problem shared is a problem doubled' territory. Please please say if it's too much.

Regards,

Richard.

It's never too much between friends.

Exactly.

[richardandtracy]

Thank you so much.
Dunno what else to say.

Regards,

Richard

[Roland]

What can I say apart from 'Thank You'?
I really don't want to lead to 'A problem shared is a problem doubled' territory. Please please say if it's too much.

Regards,

Richard.

People can scroll past when it’s “too much” for them. I’ve done that on another forum when I needed to.

I love the idea of suggesting she smile and wave and the lady in the mirror.

~~~~

When I was a teen I went through a traumatizing experience. (It was part of the trauma that lead to my breakdown a few years ago.) One day, I was riding on a bus. It was dark out and raining. I saw my reflection, and it looked like my reflection was crying. Since I used to write a lot, I wrote a short book called The Girl in the Mirror. It was about what happened to me, but it happened to her.

Nothing to do with your MIL. Just reminded me.

[richardandtracy]

MIL has had a few nice, happy hallucinations in the last couple of days. We think they are dementia related, but a nurse is coming tomorrow to check for a UTI.

She remembers with uncharacteristic clarity two black and white kittens snuggling up to her over recent nights. Also a ginger cat getting stuck in the airing cupboard. Then the kids made an awful mess with paints in the living room, but it's OK because she cleared it all up. Then there was a piggy standing on its hind trotters looking in the window and there was a steam train excursion with the local children on a train that stopped outside her house. She was carried onto the train by the train driver, as were two other women who helped her look after the kids on the train. Then she gave all the children fingers of KitKat chocolate bars, one finger for those who were four up to four fingers for seven year olds.

She doesn't have any cats, or pigs or know any young children. And no railway has ever been near her road. However, she is very chipper after her imaginary trip out... It's so sad but also very nice that she's so much happier than she was. FIL had hallucinations that scared him. MIL , I think, is showing she's a much, much nicer person than he was.

Regards,

Richard.

[Serinde]

MIL's hallucinations all seem to be about nurturing and caring, and she is always competent in them. Clearly pigs looking into the window didn't seem threatening to her in any way, and who wouldn't love two kitties snuggling in. If it's a UTI, I hope it gets sorted quickly. Meanwhile, she has something to talk about happily with you and Tracey.

[Mabel Figworthy]

They do seem to speak of a very caring mind, and be happy. If it _is_ her dementia, it is at least a benignant type, and as Serinde says gives her all those stories to talk to you about. Of course her having a clear mind would be even better, but as these things go it sounds like the least bad outcome. Even so, it's difficult to see these changes in people you love.

[richardandtracy]

MIL, years ago, used to work in the children's department of a Clarkes Shoe shop. When that shop closed she became a nursery school teacher, retiring after 25 years working there. So, yes she did nurture generally, but Tracy rather felt that after she grew up to school age her mum became disinterested in her except as unpaid house cleaning help.

We're pretty sure it is MIL's dementia speaking. She can't tell the time any more, sees her mum in the mirror wardrobe (no longer simply 'an old lady') and finds the radio too confusing to listen to. MIL may have a UTI, but there's more to it than that.

Regards,

Richard

[Serinde]

My father, who spent quite a long time in that other dementia world, apparently became sweeter and gentler all the time until one of my sisters commented that he was like the 10-yr-old boy he probably was before his brother was born in 1929 and stole his thunder (only child until then). Believe me that I never saw this incarnation my whole life, and wish I had -- only a glimpse when taking his two oldest toddler grandchildren by their hands down to the farm fence to look at the barn (and probably explaining why they were not to go down to the pond by themselves).

Anyway, perhaps Tracy is seeing her mother in this other way that she didn't herself directly experience? It is disconcerting.

[richardandtracy]

It is possible. Really don't know. However MIL is behaving in a very dependent & child-like way, which is disconcerting.

Regards,

Richard

[Serinde]

Time shifting? This is an interesting read.

[richardandtracy]

It is an interesting read, thanks. I have to confess I wish more was new to me than it is.

The advice about mirrors, hmm, I think MIL may be past the point where hiding mirrors is an issue. The reason being that she no-longer associates the old lady in the mirror with herself, so I don't think it's bothering her at all because she has no idea that is her but instead is her mum.

We do try to get her to tell her life story, each visit so we know what stage of her life she's living in that visit. We have seen that trying to correct her does cause distress, so we don't, we simply try to weave what we need her to do into the life she thinks she's living at that point.
Another reason we want to hear her experiences is because, well, they're going to be lost before too long and we want to hear the stories to preserve them somehow. Also, stories from MIL's childhood memory are the ones least degraded and are the ones least likely to be heard by Tracy. If we can actually fight through the hallucinations to get there and get her to tell us someone believable.

One thing that's a bit a problem is needing to reminding MIL who we are. It seems she's slowly pigeonholing us into more & more limited roles. I seem to being relegated into 'Dad', and it's not always certain if that role includes Son In Law, Husband or her Father.

Regards,

Richard

[Serinde]

It's all so horrible for you all. The prayer wheel continues to spin, here.

[Mabel Figworthy]

Woohooo! Early birthday present from Mr Mabel - a goldwork class plus talk/tour at the Drapers' Hall

[Serinde]

Wowee! That Mr Mabel of yours has excellent taste and is definitely a keeper (as if you didn't know).

[Mabel Figworthy]

I've been keeping him for nearly 20 year!