2025 Quick Daily Posts

[richardandtracy]

Oh, we hope! It's about the best we can do.
All-in-all the new ward is probably one of the best places she can be at the moment. At the very least she knows the staff, they know her (from previous visits) and she likes the place. She thinks she's in Faversham, not on the Isle of Sheppey, and nothing can convince her otherwise, but that makes not one iota of difference to her care.

When MIL goes home she's going to have to have a hospital bed for a while, as her brand new bed doesn't have all the motors and other features needed for her carers. The OT gent did an assessment of her bungalow yesterday afternoon. The assessor also said the best room was the living room, but Tracy vetoed that unless the assessor get's MIL's direct agreement. MIL's living room is a modern parlour. Nothing is permitted to make it messy. No food, no drinks, no shoes, NO, nothing of any sort!!!!! Must be vacuumed daily even if unused...

Regards,

Richard

[Serinde]

I have crossed my fingers that the flicker of light at the end of the tunnel is not another train of disappointment.

[Mabel Figworthy]

You absolutely must stop in Galashiels and see the tapestry in its new home. Where in Scotland will you be, she asked pointedly.

Not near you or Wendy Wombat, I'm afraid First we're in Guildtown, for a weekend, then around Boat of Garten (great name!) for a week

[Mabel Figworthy]

Oh the joys of a helpful cat...

[fccs]

I love the expression...what do you mean I'm not helping? LOL

[Serinde]

Or, "what's stopping you, you lazy hooman?"

[Mabel Figworthy]

"Well, get on with it then!"

[richardandtracy]

Oh so cat...

Regards,

Richard

[Serinde]

Just have had confirmation of my place and accommodation for the weaving retreat in June. If I work at it, I should be able to leave the garden in good heart before I go, and at least this year, I have a better idea of what I'm doing weaving-wise! I might actually take two looms: my small Hokett and an intermediate size one, which is just about portable if it's not warped before I go up. The first has the advantage of fitting in a backpack; the second can be clamped to a table and has a longer warp. We'll see what actually happens. Wanna watch a video and see what we did? Here you go: scroll down to find the link: https://nearlywildweaving.wordpress.com ... e-stories/ Still two places left...

[Mabel Figworthy]

Almost worth learning to weave for - it looks wonderful, but I think I'll stick with trying to finish my Ceritficate. And of course enjoy this retreat vicariously through your posts!

[richardandtracy]

MIL is back from hospital.

She came back Friday afternoon.
Neither us, nor the carers, expected her to be bedbound and with a catheter/nappies.
She was sent home without any spare catheters or nappies. The only nappies we have are left over from FIL who was huge in comparison to MIL, so they don't fit well. And we couldn't get replacement on a Friday afternoon. Gaah!
She was in a bit of a state, and managed to wind Tracy up as tight as a clock spring. I ended up spending the night to answer any problems MIL had. Which were none, as MIL slept soundly all night. Tracy needed to do studying and was getting in a state herself, so not spending the night at MIL calmed her down too.

I was there for MIL's breakfast before popping home for mine.

We went back for MIL at Saturday Lunch to feed her. She couldn't remember either me or the morning carers being there at breakfast time and was very snippy about how lazy the carers were. Fortunately I could confirm they'd been.

Went back Sunday lunch. She claimed that no carers had been to visit at all. But then she was surprised to hear we'd been to visit at Saturday Lunch time. So she had a lunch at 12:30pm, and the carers phoned at 2pm to ask if we minded if she had another lunch. Not at all - feed her up & hopefully get some strength in her legs for standing up & becoming independent again!

She was diagnosed with a Clinical Frailty Score of 8 in her discharge notes. ("8 Very Severely Frail – Completely dependent, approaching the end of life. Typically, they could not recover even from a minor illness" - from https://www.bgs.org.uk/sites/default/fi ... od_cfs.pdf). Not good news. And she has dementia as shown by her lack of recent event memory.

We're stumped. According to the doctors, she has capacity, so we can't decide where she stays. She wants to be at home. And we are concerned for her wellbeing. She's not interested in the radio or TV so has no stimulation at all. Then she complains there's no-one there to talk to. She won't consider a care home for a second, because she wants to live in her little bungalow, despite the fact she might be able to talk to people there. So sad.

Regards,

Richard.

[Mabel Figworthy]

Very sad. I do, really I do, understand why it is important not to take agency away from people, to tell them that they don't know what's good for them, to treat them as children. But. Surely there comes a point where it is abundantly clear that in spite of protestations to the contrary, it is the only thing to do.

If only we could be sure that left to their own devices they would simply and peacefully die and be found like that one day. Then I might well say "well, why not, if that's what she wants". But of course that is generally not what happens - what happens is a fall and a broken hip and lying on the floor for hours before being found.

Really difficult for you and Tracy - prayers for wisdom, strength and peace of mind for you both.

[Serinde]

what happens is a fall and a broken hip and lying on the floor for hours before being found.

Which is pretty much what happened to my niece's MIL last week in the US, minus the broken hip.

My heart goes out to all of you in this distressing and impossible Catch-22 of a situation. I know better than to ask about the GP's point of view! MIL will undoubtedly be happier in her own home, but it's perfectly clear she is in no way able to look after herself, and which the Clinical Frailty Score shows beyond doubt. But HOW you both are to cope with all the other medical support issues, without training, is a mystery to me. I'm so, so sorry that this pitiful state of affairs is ongoing. You clearly need to win the lottery so as to employ a full-time live-in care assistant. Barring that, you certainly have all my prayers and good wishes.

[richardandtracy]

Thanks.

We do feel as if we're between a rock & a hard place. We know what we want to happen, and that's for her to go to a home. BUT, there's her determination to be at home, come what may. She spent a week more in hospital than she needed because she refused for a hospital bed to be delivered as part of her care package. The reason - she already has a bed. She only relented when we made it clear she wasn't going home without it. It's in the dining room, not her living room (which is treated as a Victorian Parlour) as she'd never, never put up with that. Also, she's not happy about being in bed and not in her bedroom. That rankles with her.

But at least she's out of hospital.

Regards,

Richard

[richardandtracy]

Yesterday MIL had a good day, so we did too. Very nice.

She is, however, bothered by the sad old lady in the wardrobe. Apparently she doesn't look happy, won't talk to her and doesn't look well.

?!? There isn't anyone in her wardrobe. She's at home, and most of the time she's the only one in the house.

MIL's bed faces a mirrored wardrobe and the penny dropped for us this morning: She no longer understands mirrors, and can't understand that it's her own reflection in the mirror. Oh. Don't know quite how to react to that, but it doesn't feel good.

Regards,

Richard

[Mabel Figworthy]

Could you suggest that she smile at the lady to cheer her up? Then she would see a cheerful lady and perhaps feel better about it. I know it doesn't address the underlying dementia, but it may help at a practical everyday level.

[richardandtracy]

We can & will. That's a grand idea. Doubt if she'll remember to, but what harm can it do?

Regards,

Richard

[Serinde]

Mabel, that's a brilliant idea.

Richard, I hope it helps your MIL. It must be very unsettling thinking there's an unhappy lady in the wardrobe.

[richardandtracy]

This far we've not had a chance to get her to smile at the wardrobe lady, she's been asleep for all but 10 mins of the 3 hrs we've been there.

This is an unusual amount of daytime sleep for her, and when she's shown this before, she has afterwards tended to exhibit a step change in her cognitive abilities. We are worried for her, but there doesn't seem to be anything anyone can do to help. Do hope I'm wrong.

Joyful ain't I?

Regards,

Richard.

[Serinde]

It’s very difficult. But don’t underestimate how your collective care has meant that you can recognize changes in MIL’s behaviour and have some idea what it might mean. That sort of care is the definition of love.