I don't what to do!

[nettie]

or how to feel right now!

I went onto my brother's facebook page this evening to be nosy and I wish I hadn't. My brother has signed up two new friends in the last couple of days. Now that shouldn't bother me but I think they are our younger sisters from my dad's second marriage. We haven't seen them since they were babies. To be honest it's thrown me I have talked to my brother and sister about the possibility of finding them but we never knew where to start.

This is going to sound bad but I'm not sure if I can handle them coming into my life right now or even if I'm ready for it I'm quite upset right now and don't know what to do. My brother isn't reachable right now so I can't even confirm with him if they are our sisters or just coincidence.

Sorry to offload on you all like this I know that lots of you have some serious issues at the moment but I just didn't know where else to turn!

[mags]

If it were me, I would wait until I had chance to speak to my brother before getting too anxious about it, easy to say, I know.

You say you have spoken about trying to find them but didn't know where to start - so at some point you were thinking positively about it. Now that you have been taken by surprise, you are not ready - but these situations I would think usually arise out of the blue. At the end of the day, it is no fault of your half sisters - and who knows you may get to like them very much. Maybe something to look forward to ?

[Jilly]

I 100% agree with Mags... Also, when my children are upset at night I always tell them to just sleep on things...the morning often comes with a whole new outlook on something that felt overwhelming in the evening.
Sending you big

[nettie]

Thanks Mags and Jilly you are both very right.

Its all confusing I've always known about them and that I had two other little sisters out there and wanted them to know they had a big sister. I think its more shocking because we were never sure how much they knew about us. My mum and dad had a bad split but my dad's second marriage breakdown was so much worse and I know my step-mum approached my dad about her new partner adopting the girls when they were still quite young. My dad has had no contact with them since the split and he has already started asking questions about who they are and the tone is quite anxious.

I'm probably worrying about everyone else too and blowing it out of all proportion. I'm very protective of my family more than I try to show! I'm also a little jealous that they contacted my brother first I am the eldest I am the one that should take charge (my brother and sister argue that point with me frequently)!

I can't call mum either she is on earlys and went to bed at 8 and I won't see her until tomorrow. I know she will help bme a lot and be supportive.

[Thursday Next]

wishing you hope and big hugs!!

[sammy_v]

I can only voice what other have said hun! Mags has hit the nail right on the head there! I hope that u can work this out and find out so that u no one way or another and like Jilly said sleeping on things is always a great idea. Please remember we are here for u no matter what hun, so please please dont apoligise!!!!!

[Krissy]

If I were you I wouldn't feel like it's a rush to meet them or contact them. Find out if they are them then let it soak in, things are always stressful when it's a surprise. I hope it all turns out great for you.

[Mumof3]

I have a half sister from my Dad's 2nd marriage she is 34 and doesn't know about me or my brother so I can fully understand your dilema. Speak to your Mum and ask her advice.

[Mabel Figworthy]

I can only echo mags' wise words, and wish you lots of wisdom and peace!

[maggs]

Just a thought have they contacted your brother because your surname has changed and they only now that surname.

I can only say sleep on it and talk to your brother. This must have been a terriable shock for you.

[Busy_B]

Nettie, first off, I'm sending you huge hugs! I know this can be a very stressful time! I've gone through somewhat similar things with my family. My mother and father were divorced when I was very young (he was verbally abusive), and I didn't see that side of the family after I was 3 or 4. I found out from my MIL in 2002 (when I was pregnant with DS) that one of the women who had married into her extended family did a little looking into my family since my dad's name sounded familiar. Turns out that she was my dad's cousin. I actually avoided the topic for several years because I didn't know what his family thought of me and my mom (they always knew where to find us, but never did). When I finally asked her a little over a year ago, I heard more than I ever would have wanted to know--and it was only the tip of the iceberg. Lets just say that I am very thankful I did not grow up with that family surrounding me!!!!

I've also been on the helping end with one of my uncles who was trying to find his biological twins from his first marriage. We hadn't seen them in 28 years or so. It actually turned out that the twin's grandmother contacted my mom over a year ago to try to get in contact with their dad. We have since met one of the twins (Brian), but his sister Brittany isn't quite ready to meet the entire family which we completely understand. Ironically, my uncle now talks to the twins and his ex-wife on facebook, and his ex-wife and I have chatted back and forth on facebook, too.

It is always a scary time because you don't know what they've been told. The most important thing that I've learned is to take it slowly. They're as scared/anxious about all of it as you are! Be open with each other, and don't take anything for granted. This is a blessing that you might not think you're ready for, but it's been sent your way for a reason. If you ever need to chat, feel free to pm me!

[~threadbear~]

Sending you hugs Nettie and hoping this all works out for you. These situations are always delicate, but hopefully, you can take it at the pace you feel is best and you can all support each other through this time.

[lacemaker2004]

I'm sending you hugs and hope it all turns out well. I agree with mags, wait and talk with your brother for the details.

I can tell you that I have a half sister from dad's first marriage (four years older than me) and while we don't always see eye to eye and we didn't grow up together and it's only been in the last few years that we've really talked, she's been a big help and great ear for me during my divorce and I think I have been for her too during her recent health troubles. I also converse every few days on FB with my half sisters half brother (follow that?) ....we're not sure what to call each other so we just call ourselves bro and sis. It's been great to have an extended family and while they live half the country away, it's nice to know they're out there.

FB might be a safe and simple why to get to know these girls if they are your half sisters.
Good luck

[dollystitcher]

Can't add anything else to what the others have said but hope everything works out for you.

[nettie]

I finally got hold of my brother last night and he confirmed that they aren't our sisters it is one very huge coincidence. It turns out they requested him as a friend on facebook he doesn't know why only that he thought they may be our sisters. He did some question asking and it turns out that they aren't even related to each other. It's such a coincidence. I'm actually disappointed I would like to get to know them I think that I just have so much in my head right now I think that's why I was so negative!

On a positive note by the end of September I am not likely to be around for a bit. I spoke to the sales advisor for our house yesterday they only have the garage and the gardens to finish and we will be completing so will be anytime in the next few weeks! It is safe for us to enter the property to so tomorrow we are going for a quick look around. Then next weekend we can start to measure up to make sure we buy furniture that fits! My brain is scrambled!

[Jilly]

It does seem that you and your brother are both keen to find them... a very positive outcome to a rather confusing time for you