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I have a real problem with saying no to people who ask for me to stitch them pictures. As you may remember I have stitched things for people in the past and it has made me feel so unhappy and stressed. I like to stitch things I like and it never gives me the same pleasure stitching what other people want. I vowed never to do another one for someone else after doing the knight picture and guess what's happened? Yes someone asked me to do another. I didn't give a direct yes but I said I have a few of my own to do first. They are always quite big ones people want too and I am losing so much time from doing my own.
Help! How do you say no to someone without feeling bad??

Unless it is a very good friend asking, I wouldn't feel bad saying no, that I have too many projects already. If it is a good friend, I'd probably cave and do it...but I'd not put a time limit on it.

No it's just a work colleague who I'm not close with at all.

Vanessa, I've been there, have seen that. Now my "no" is polite but firm. You may end like I did a few years ago- in stopping stitching at all. Now I smile and say, "If you want that picture so much, why dont you sit down and stitch it yourself? If you dont know how, I will give you an hour's lesson, but that will be it". You should not let people turn your hobby into hard work with long hours, stress and no pleasure.

Those too insisting should be explained that stitching has always been your hobby, and if they want to have something stitched- there are many stitchers who do this for money gladly.

Oh gosh, no, it is your hobby, you must stitch what you want to stitch and not what anybody else wants.
Do they not realise how much time it takes to do the sort of projects you do?
Please just say no, you can't/you don't have time/you now only stitch things for yourself/whatever.

I don't think people realise how much work goes into our projects.

It's one thing if someone asks you to stitch something small. Like a letter on a baby's bib or a yellow ducky. Assuming they bought the supplies.
I agree some people don't understand how much time it takes and what an effort it is to stitch a long project. Since it is not someone close to you, and not something you will enjoy doing, I think it is perfectly reasonable to say that you have quite a few large projects going on at the moment and that you don't have the time right now to add another project. I like the idea of offering to show the person how to stitch. There are those who will stitch for a price and don't mind what the project is. You could offer to see if anyone on the forum would be interested, if you feel like you might have to offer something. But please don't put yourself into that situation again. Especially for someone you aren't close to.

Carole

I have a very close friend who said she wished I could stitch 'something ' for her. I just told her that I have 12 other projects all lined up that I plan on doing first, and by my calculations, it will take about 25 years. After stating those facts, the subject got dropped, and yet I didn't exactly have to say 'no'. A little while later though, I did surprise her by stitching up a small Christmas ornament that only took me about a week to do, but it was something I picked out and felt like doing.

I agree. People don't realize how much work (and materials) go into a piece. They think we can just 'whip it out' in short order. If you don't want to do it, just say you can't possibly fit it in with the other things you already have lined up, but you'd be happy to show them how to do it if they really want in done.

I like "Podolydanka" has said about offering them a lesson or two. Just explain that it would take x amount of hours and you just don't have that time to spare. Since growing older I have found it very easy to say "no". A few people were a bit shocked/surprised but enough is enough.

The only thing I will stitch for people is birth announcements, or a wedding, or what I call letter ones. My friend just asked me to stitch her her last name in a specific alphabet for her house. I always tell them I will but may take me awhile.

What everyone has said here. Since you can bet they wouldn't be willing to pay for a bespoke work of art (at a penny a stitch, a 100x200 stitch piece would cost $200, plus materials...), why should they think you'll do this for the love of stitching? Offer to teach them, of course, because it's a lovely craft which has proven stress-busting benefits as well as the potential for a wide circle of international friends.

I'll say no for you, if you want.

Tell you what, Vanessa, say you'll do it after finishing 'Adoration of the Kings' as that is a big project you'd like to finish. As you only have about 650,000 stitches to go, that'll be done in 5-6 years. Alternatively, if they really want it sooner, you'll give them a few lessons on doing it themselves. It's a no without quite saying 'no'.

Or start muttering about £7.50 per hour, 140 stitches an hour, and how big the project is... Materials extra at £1.05p per skein.
No-one has asked me to do their projects for them, maybe they already know the answer! (The fact it's an engineering company & I'm considered to be on the wrong side of sane may play its part too.)

I tend to liken it to a kit car. Would anyone wander up to an acquaintance and ask them to spend 600 hours building their kit car for them? If not, why would they ask for the same time expenditure on a small piece of coloured fabric? Maybe that's what you should do, find their hobby, and ask them to do a similar time expenditure for you, see how they respond and give a final reply based on the reflection of their answer. It would hit home then just how much effort goes into cross stitch and how big a request it is.

Regards,

Richard.

I'm with all of the above. Offer to teach them and failing that price yourself out of the market unless the project is small and would only take a couple of evenings. Or should I say a half hour at the rate you stitch.

I think the secret is to "be firm but kind", as Maria sings in the Sound of Music

If you already know you won't enjoy it, it would have to be for a very special person and/or a very special purpose to say yes - and as others have said, why do people expect that we will do this for them just for the "fun" of it?

But I do really like Podolyanka's suggestion of offering to teach them - you may win a convert to this lovely hobby!

P.S. Most of my stitchings go to family and friends as presents (some I use instead of a "Thank you" card). You know I dont stitch "minis", but serious (larger) stuff. But this is my choice, my decision, my pleasure- to stitch for very special to me people. This is absolutely different from stitching for a "stranger".
So, Vanessa, smile, say "I can teach you to stitch" and wave. True, some people dont understand untill you say firmly, "Sorry, honey, find someone else, I do not stitch on order".

I think I will have to stop putting my finished work on my Facebook page. That is where people are seeing it and getting ideas.

What if you put it on your FB page together with the number of stitches and the hours it took to stitch?

Yes I'm sure non stitchers would be shocked at how long they take.

Gotta love Richard's answer.
I've never been in the position of having friends ask me to stitch for them.They know better..Plus with all the WIPs,kitted ups and must do nexts I need to live until 2198 to do them all.