I had to share this one!!!!!

Rose · Post by **Rose** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 5:31 am

Did you ever wonder what a husband does while he's in a store, waiting on
his wife to shop?

Check out the following letter:

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us
again, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses
over the past few months...all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a line of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3 in housewares!"...and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the s ervice desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's
On layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a camping tent in the sporting goods
department, and told the other customers he'd invite them in if they bring
pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they could help him, he begins to
cry and asks, "Why can't people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
Mirror and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in hunting department, asked a
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
The "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled "Pick me! Pick me!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and yells, "NO NO, it's those voices again!"

...and; last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a
while; then yelled very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!"

Serinde · Post by **Serinde** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 9:15 am

Sounds like the fantasies of many academics I know...

wendywombat · Post by **wendywombat** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 10:51 am

Had a good chuckle at that, Rose.

My Dear Beloved gets 'Trolley Rage' in supermarkets.
I remember one time in Berwick upon Tweed leaving him and my step-father out side on the pavement whilst my Mother & I went into a shop so she could buy knitting needles. We were some time as my mother found that Ladies in the North of England use longer needles than those available in the South, she being a Southerner.
DB came in and asked how much longer he was expected to hold the pavement down!! From behind one of the displays appeared a tiny Scots Lady, all thistle and bristle

and poked a finger at DB! "Dinna harass yuir puir Wife" (Accents difficult here, Serinde!!) Brushed her hand together as DB made a hasty retreat and then said "That showed him!!" She then went back to her 'well behaved' husband who was patiently waiting for her to chose the pattern and wool for his next cardigan.

Moral; if you want hassle free craft shopping leave the menfolk at home

Serinde · Post by **Serinde** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 12:53 pm

Aye, and he dinnae, did 'e! She was probably frae Glasgae.

Rose · Post by **Rose** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 3:34 pm

I love it.

LuckyDice · Post by **LuckyDice** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 4:30 pm

Hahaha! I love noth the list and the story...
Still kinda giggling!

coffee_freak · Post by **coffee_freak** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 1:25 pm

that's funny!

mauveme · Post by **mauveme** » Fri Mar 30, 2007 9:43 pm

hahahahahahahahhaha

yiotas-xstitch · Post by **yiotas-xstitch** » Tue Apr 17, 2007 10:43 am

Rose, this is wonderful. Good laugh!

lynne.walker01 · Post by **lynne.walker01** » Tue Apr 17, 2007 12:09 pm

Good morning Rose , you have really brightened my day. Just read it to my daughter and she is laughing too