Thank You-Its tough but there is a point

[Ajay]

During the last few weeks, it's been rather insane in my household. My mother had been living in my household for the last 2 years. She moved in with my dad in Jan of 2015 for "a couple of months", which ended up with my dad getting a job in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, and then my mother was "waiting" for her visa. In all of this my husband is getting rather impatient. He aggreed to a couple of months while they got on their feet, not this two years. So I had consistently had him complaining to me via text and in our bedroom, which was where he felt in our own house was the only place he could be at, and then my mother complaining to me about how my husband was being discourteous. Now my dad is making enough money for her to get a small apt, etc and my husband knew this.

On the flip side my mother took care of my daughter when I was at school, and my husband at work. Went and pick her up at school when neither of us were unable to get her. She did a little cooking and a little cleaning
gEventually it came to a head with them driving me absolutely insane and I sat them both down and not in my proudest moment yelled and screamed at both of them for driving me nuts. My mother took this as get the f"!K out, which was not my intent, and moved out the next day with a friend and refused to pick up my daughter, or do anything with her even at least till I could get something set up. Then also said that she will never be in the same building as my husband again. My dad told me never to contact him unless I divorce my husband. My husband keeps asking me when I'm going to blame him for ruining my relationship with my family. All the while giving me a permanent migraine. I started school learning ASL and called in ALL my favours for babysitters. Just this last Thursday I was been able to hire a permanent babysitter, and arrange a daycare to pick her up at daycare till I get off an hour later.

Then last week I woke up I wasn't unable to sit down without involuntarily crying, I was in so much pain. I don't know what the hell I did to my back but it just wasn't happy. My doctor said muscle strain, and stress with repetitive motion. I'm a mail carrier with the post office and all I could do when they asked if I had lifted or pulled recently was laugh.

But the point of me telling you all this, every night even though I haven't been able to stitch myself, do to migrianes, and trying to get on a new better scheudule and i have the new frosted pumpkin mystery SAL I want to start; I came and looked at everyones updates on their pieces. They really have been the bright spots in my night.

Vannessa your The adoration of the kings is awe inspiring. and I eagerly can't wait for it all to be done, I may send you money to make sure it gets the frame the amazing piece deserves.

Richard I love Gryff!!!! I so adore him. in a way he reminds me of my cat Strawberry. He will be a lively piece when he's done.

Squirrel your Angel of the Morning, when the piece is finished, a place of pride should be giving to it.

Steve, you ship, is just, my brain can't even handle thinking about attempting this, it malfunctions at the thought. So i give you mass kudos.

Mabel, your designs and pieces are stunning to describe them with a word. I love seeing your posts and seeing "What did she do now,......"

rcperryl.......o kitten tree, this is one of my favourites and my 8-year-old favourites, I can't wait to see more Kittys!.

gyork the "The astronomer" piece reminds me of my old crazy uncle (my grandfather's brother). I out loud went "holy jeez" when I saw you went into what I call Random Space.

Serinde your stitching pieces are gorgeous and I wish I knew how to do that type of stitching

Those I may have missed, I did those literally by memory. I look at every thread. I'm a stalker I know this. I can't wait till this calm down and I can start my frosted pumpkin stitch along, and continue on my Woodland Enchantress.

But i wanted to let you all know how you have been a bright spot in my days.

Keep Stitching.

[DisneyStitcher]

It's really tough the position you've been put in by your family. I try to fall back on the old stand-by "everything happens for a reason." (The snarky side of me always mutters "yeah - but not a very good one.") Hopefully once both parents and hubby have had a chance to distance themselves from the situation, everyone might be able to work towards a better relationship. It's difficult to have extended family in the house -we've done it twice after significant flooding events in our area and it's just not an easy thing to do. If your daughter is struggling with not seeing her grandma everyday, that could be an "in" with your parents. Your husband doesn't have to be involved just yet, but letting your daughter skype with her grandma will allow contact without the stress of a physical visit. Have you considered talking to your doctor? Uncontrollable crying is a real red flag that shouldn't be ignored. (S)he could help you by recommending professionals you could talk to or maybe prescribe low level anti-anxiety or anti-depressants. There is no shame in seeking help - and you are under a considerable amount of stress. You cannot change the behavior of others, nor are you responsible for their emotions or feelings. You are allowed to consider your own well-being and do what will make you the healthiest version of yourself that you can be. Good luck to you. I am hoping everything works out for the best for you.

[Squirrel]

How I can relate to all you have written AJay and you have my heartfelt sympathy but sadly no answers.
I live with my only DD and SIL and recently my youngest son asked to come and stay to try and find work which he has been able to PTL. However finding a 1 bed unit nearby rather than a 2 hour train journey each night - it is night work - and trying to sleep during the day with DD or SIL making a lot of noise is difficult and I am in the middle. However my "Mum look" still works on both DD and son so there is hope yet.

Hang in there Ajay and hopefully everyone will see sense once things settle down. I hope you can get to the Frosted Pumpkin SAL too - it was fun to watch it being stitched a year or so back. As for Angel she is destined for Texas, for a dear friend who is now a retired fireman/paramedic near Dallas. The design is dedicated to the survivors and emergency personnel who were involved with 9/11 so I thought it was an appropriate piece for David to have. Although he and workmates didn't go to NY they were packed and ready to leave if called on.

[karen4bells]

Ajay, I really feel for you and I hope that things settle down immensely for you! Sending lots of good vibes and prayers your way!!

[richardandtracy]

What a horrible position to be in, and I can sympathise. In hindsight some things could have been approached differently, like you & hubby should probably have talked together more and acted in concert to regain your home before the stress reached breaking point. But that is easy to see only because of 20:20 hindsight.
To be honest, your relationship with hubby is probably more important than with parents at the moment, and is probably the thing that needs working on immediately. Parents can wait, they have their own lives to lead now you have moved from the parental home - as do you. Hubby needs to help you (back massage being the least important, but probably one of the most pleasant and immediately beneficial to both of you) and vice versa. Need to get him away from the idea of grumpy text messages being acceptable or normal in a marriage. If nothing else, ensure his phone is turned off or if that can't happen, arrange for it to have an accident when at home. Also do some of the things you enjoyed together when courting, just to bond again. (I'm one who subscribes to 'Marriage is for life', which means that both sides need to keep up the effort.)

OK, soap box now abandoned, and advice should probably be ignored regardless of how sensible I think it is.
Thank you for the very kind things you said about Gryff. Do you have any photos of Strawberry? I'm one who thinks the internet is rather lacking in cat photos.

Regards,

Richard

[Serinde]

Ajay, the praise of the praiseworthy is beyond all reward, as a great author once wrote. Thank you.

I'm so sorry you find yourself in such a situation. If advice were needed, I'd be tempted to sidle into Richard's corner -- Everyone is a grown up, and your primary relationship is now with your husband. Being married isn't an easy thing. Also more cats definitely being needed online, of course. Hope to see photo of Strawberry soon.

[fccs]

I've never been in your position, but I understand how stressful it can be. It's unfortunate that it came to such a negative conclusion, but it happened and that's it. I hope you and your husband can get your lives back to normal - communication is key. And in time, your parents will also hopefully come around. I agree with what someone else said - if you want them back in your life and they are still unwilling, play the grandchild card. Even if it doesn't work for you and your husband, your daughter will still know her grandparents.

I hope you can pick up your stitching soon and until then, keep reading the forum. There's almost always someone here which means plenty of shoulders to cry on and kind ears for listening.

[isaacson72]

Ajay, I am so sorry to hear of your predicament. I don't have any words of wisdom, just support. I hope you find some peace & quiet soon, and are able to get back to your stitching. I know I use my stitch time as time to relax, it's so calming for me (except when I mess up ).

All my best wishes.

Michelle

[vanessanjf]

Poor you. What an awful situation to be in. I hope things improve for you soon. Maybe if you can get back to your stitching it will help to relax you and take your mind off it for a while. Stitching really helps me with stress. I really feel for you.
Thank you for your lovely comment on my adoration of the kings, that means a lot to me

[rcperryls]

I haven't quite been in the same position as you but have certainly had my share of family disputes and been in the middle of a few trying to appease both sides, which is, for me, an impossible situation to be in. That's when you feel like you are between a rock and a hard place.
Won't give you advice (since I would only be repeating Richard and Serinde) but am sending you lots of thoughts and hugs and wishes that it calms down soon. Do think I will suggest that you talk to your doctor to see if there is something that can help you through the crisis.

Sally, did I read correctly that your son wants you to move and find work? Or is he planning on moving to find work closer to you?

Ajay, thank you for your comments about O Kitten Tree. It is one of my main projects for the coming year so I hope to get a lot done on it.

For any and all who want more Kitty photos and the best Monday Newsletter ever (Ask Max Monday) with a snarky cat who give advice to other cats about how best to deal with the ins and outs of daily life. Best advice column Laverne has ever read. All of this is in Mousebreath Magazine, an online and free subscription and Ajay it will put a smile on your face.

Carole

[PattyMac]

From someone familiar with family stress and didn't take care of myself......

Please don't neglect yourself. Find time each day to relax, meditate or even stitch a few because you are worth it. Your marriage will benefit and you might prevent more health issues.

Blessings....

[Mabel Figworthy]

I'm sorry I'm late to this - and evenmore sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult situation. I any of our projects here can be a little help to you in bearing up, then that makes it worth stitching them even if there were no other reason! Wishing you strength, wisdom and peace of mind, and I can only repeat what Richard and Serinde have been saying - apart from your daughter, who is caught in this as you are, you are all grown-ups (even if not everyone behaves like that) and your life is with your husband and child. Look after that first, and the relationship with your parents as much as possible after that.

[Minnie Kassovitz]

Your situation reminds me a lot of what my parents are like, and I just can say that this kind of emotional blackmail takes heavy tolls. The best thing to do is to try and distance yourself from the situation, whether that means going away for a weekend or a month or for good, or doing something that completely absorbs you and leaves no space for negative thoughts. While certainly well-meant, I don't quite understand some peoples' suggestions to talk to your doctor about anti-depressants, since that won't get rid of the primary problem. Maybe if you can get your husband to realise his rude behaviour and apologise to your parents it will alleviate the situation. His asking when you will start to blame him for your estrangement from your parents maybe is part guilt and part not wanting to stand up for his role in the situation.
Whatever you do, I wish you all the best!!!